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Paris Hilton

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Paris Hilton's Secret Hollywood Language, Translated

Social-twit Paris Hilton talks exactly like we thought she would! In US Weekly, D-list celebrity and comedian Kathy Griffin explains how she had to translate Paris's words to Jenny McCarthy, who had "couldn't understand a word she said." Paris told Jenny, "Hi, bitch! Comes to my party? Publicist? Bye, bitch!" Translation: More »

gossip

Paris Hilton Defends Her Dog-Demanding Habits

Paris Hilton was recently accused, via Page Six, of yet another antic concerning the welfare of a helpless animal, and she's just about had it. She took her case to the people's court, also known as her MySpace blog: "I was catching up on news last week only to read a story about me walking by some puppies for sale, and demanding that I be given a Yorkie puppy to be an accessory for a photo shoot. These stories have gotten out of control and I want to clear some things up." More »

Paris Hilton Needs Help With "Reality" Show "'They coached her the whole time,' said a spy." [Post]

Rob Shuter

The Creepy Brit Who's Destroying The Honorable Craft Of Celebrity Journalism

OK! is the celebrity magazine that is the most willingly manipulated by celebrity flacks, which is really saying something. So it's perfectly appropriate that the magazine just promoted sleazy former celebrity uberflack Rob Shuter to its executive editor position. That's because Shuter is skilled at doing the two things that OK! is most famous for: lying on behalf of celebrities, and losing other people's money. Even he, the great fabulist, couldn't write a more sickening script than this. More »

monsters

Paris Hilton Pet Cruelty Prevented

Twisted animal-hating liar Paris Hilton has finally been stopped! OK, well, not entirely. A battle has been won, even as Hilton's war against pets rages on. The heiress is known to often abandon one or more of her two-dozen-ish pets, sometimes in a closet, to die, starving. And there are still idiots out there letting her adopt animals. But not everyone is an idiot! Hilton, you see, was recently on her way to a photo shoop and reportedly decided to pick up a Yorkie like it was a fucking latte. She "wanted a puppy in the picture so it would look cuter," a tipster told Page Six. And the valiant staff at the Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles decided to stop Hilton from purchasing the animal because it seemed like an "impulse buy." The socialite lost her shit, but the store held its ground. Excellent, this is a great way to start a Tuesday. But LA animal services needs to step up its sad "investigation." [Post] (Photo via X17)

flackery

Mike Sitrick, Ninja Master Of The Dark Art Of Spin

A lawyer named Jeremy Pitcock got fired last year, and his firm put a fine point on his dismissal: they issued a press release attributing his firing to "extremely inappropriate personal conduct." That's, uh, not considered a good thing to have on your resume in the legal world. Turns out that the law firm crafted the release with the help of Sitrick & Co., the super high-powered PR firm run by shadowy, high-priced crisis guru Mike Sitrick. Now Pitcock is suing Sitrick and his old firm for $90 million, charging them with ruining his reputation over what he says was simply a misguided and consensual kiss after a drunken night at a bar. The bigger question is, doesn't Sitrick have more important things to do than get embroiled in a petty sexual harassment dismissal? Answer: not really! More »

gossip roundup

Kate Moss Just Wanted To Powder Her Nose, Jerks

  • Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]
  • Supermodel and beat-down artist Naomi Campbell had surgery to allow her to have children, since she believes children will fix her life by forcing her to "calm down." As long as they aren't, you know, whiny incompetents like all those assistants she attacked. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Not only did Anne Hathaway have a sinus infection when she kissed fellow actor Steve Carrell for a movie, she also had pink eye, and now he probably has it, too. [Oh No They Didn't]
  • Uma Thurman's stalker is supposed to be in Maryland after narrowly avoiding a jail sentence, but instead he's handing around in New York, near the courthouse, in the same clothes he had on during the trial. It's over, buddy. Let it go. [Entertainment Tonight]
  • Jennifer Aniston had dinner in Los Angeles with a mystery man, so there was speculation the movie star split from singer John Mayer, but it also emerged he's driving her car, so probably they're still together.
  • Actress Jessica Alba gave birth to daughter Honor Marie. [Sun]
  • Oh, look, it's seven skanks competing to be Paris Hilton's new "best friend," all hoochied up in front of a club in Las Vegas. [Sun]
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are determined to spend more on their baby nursery than fellow celebrity-twin parents J. Lo and Marc Anthony. So far, the price tag is north of $140,000. But where are the dedicated baby guards? The hermetically-sealed climate control? The Scientologist consultants? [R&M]

catfights

Lydia vs. Paris: "I'm a Hearst, Not a Hilton!"

Old-money model-heiress Lydia Hearst (great-granddaughter of the tabloid magnate) wants to position herself as a classy model-heiress by letting us know, "I went to college. I'm a supermodel. I have a legitimate career in journalism, television, fashion and designing. I'm a Hearst, not a Hilton!" We can only assume that by a "legitimate career in journalism," she means her monthly column in Page Six Magazine—which is hardly a career in journalism, honey! (Neither is blogging, but we can't all be born heiresses.) Other ways that Hearst is more similar to Hilton than she may think: More »

advertising

Paris Hilton With No Makeup Sells Beauty Products

An Ecuadorian business called Xiomara Coronado Beauty Center is running this ad campaign, with a tagline that (according to Copyranter) translates to "Nobody will look younger than you." I guess the message here is, if you don't want to look like a sun-scarred celebutante, Xiomara Coronado Beauty Center is a place that you should consider patronizing. Or maybe they just like to show off their photo retouching skills. Either way: funny, yucky. Ecuador must have some very loose laws about fair use of celebrity images. After the jump, an equally horrible transmogrified version of Angelina Jolie: More »

gossip roundup

World's Sanest Family Seeks New Thetan

  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are supposedly in the market for another screamless Scientology birth. [E!]
  • Paris Hilton isn't engaged to singer Benji Madden, she's just wearing those two diamond bands on her ring finger in an effort to look extremely desperate. She also claimed, "I cook great lasagna," which pesumably involves toggling between 30, 50 and 100 percent power on the microwave when the Stouffer's is in there. [People]
  • Liv Tyler is separating from her husband Royston Langdon, a British musician. [People]
  • Defeated American Idol contestant Jason Castro on forgetting lyrics on camera: "I definitely did not do that on purpose." [ET]
  • Ashlee Simpson calls fellow singer Britney Spears a "trashy girl" on an excruciating celebrity talk show improbably run by Nokia. Also, apparently a "Britney Spears" is code for "a beer" in some parts of the world. [Sun]
  • That painting of actor Heath Ledger, for which he posed just prior to his death, won the people's choice award at the Archibald Prize Exhibition in Australia, where the painter lives. [People]

gossip roundup

Paris Hilton Demands Cute Baby That Can Go A Few Days Without Water And Stuff


Woof Even though she insists on leaving them locked in closets to die, Paris Hilton has acquired another dog. Her 18th. The gum ball-headed socialite/heiress/whatever bought the animal at a pet store of all places. Puppy No. 18, we hardly knew ye. [CityRag]

gossip roundup

Tom And Katie's Romantic Trip To "Gold Base"

  • Tom Cruise sent wife Katie Holmes to a three-day Scientology boot camp at "Gold Base" to prevent her from working on her Broadway play in New York without him, said Star magazine.
  • Paris Hilton looks frighteningly skinny in this picture. [Sun]
  • Miley Cyrus "skipped" a Disney event in Orlando, Florida, which would have been her first public outing since her racy Vanity Fair shoot. [LA Times]
  • Druggy singer Pete Doherty is the guy who managed to shoot up not just in jail but in the detox unit of the jail. So the Brits decided to just let him go, one month into a three month sentence. [Sun]
  • Former child star Gary Coleman went on Divorce Court with his 22-year-old wife Shannon Price. Coleman failed to support Price in a fight with a stranger about when the world was ending. [DListed]
  • Jason Biggs from American Pie married actress Jenny Mollen in a private ceremony last week. [People]
  • When singer Lou Reed and performance artist Laurie Anderson got married, they paid $10 to be wed in the "Boulder Mountain marriage license office." [Gigwise]
  • Dennis Rodman, the former basketball star, was arrested for hitting a woman in a hotel. [Enquirer]
  • Singer Usher denied rumors he wanted to auction pictures of his baby son. [P6]

videogames

The Media Universe Of Grand Theft Auto

Grand Theft Auto IV is not so much the apotheosis of modern console entertainment as the first post-modern video game. While it provides the usual bloody entertainment, the latest installment of Rockstar's hit title is also a fully-imagined alternate world—complete with a witty satire of 21st century media. Serbian hardman Niko Bellic, the game's central character, can browse a self-mocking version of photo sharing site Flickr ("perfect for hopeless losers who like to spend days categorizing, alphabetizing and organizing their online galleries") and scour the missed connections on Liberty City's craplist.net ("sorry for checking out your 13-year-old daughter"). Most absurd of all are the mock cable shows—though they contend with their real-world equivalents. The newscasters of Weasel News are even more rabid than Bill O'Reilly and his colleagues at Fox News. If you have a friend with a Playstation, get them to show you I'm Rich, a celebrity show which in this episode profiles a cocaine heiress called Chloe Parker and as absurd as Paris Hilton. A campy British narrator—resembling that of the Daily Show's John Oliver—provides the voiceover.
Chloe Parker went from tycoon tot to tycoon twat... She's got it all. Daddy, money, and one of those tiny little dogs that rich people keep in their vagina... Her penthouse in Algonquin's exclusive Little Barkings district is a palace in the sky complete with a motor drawbridge, torture dungeon, and servants with scurvy. This is real estate we can only watch on television and masturbate over. (After the jump, the clip, and two screenshots from Liberty City's self-mocking version of the web; and here's blow-by-blow coverage of Grand Theft Auto's new release from Kotaku.)
More »

gossip roundup

Amy Winehouse's New Man To Solve All Her Problems

  • Amy Winehouse went on a rampage of terror last week, headbutting and punching people, getting high in the street and stiffing her cabbie. But the addict/singer also made out with some random guy, and maybe that's why she now has a new man named Alex Haynes, who works for Winehouse's manager, and doesn't look nearly fierce enough to handle his insane new girlfriend. Winehouse's mom thinks he's great because Haynes is always "popping out to buy cigarettes, papers, anything she wanted." Other people point out that buying whatever Winehouse wants is maybe not in the singer's best interest.
  • Prior to Haynes, Winehouse had a thing with a photographer named Blake. Not the Blake who is her incarcerated husband, obviously. [ShowbizSpy]
  • Oprah's new interview with Tom Cruise will indeed include questions about Scientology and that time he jumped on her couch. See, Oprah's not afraid to be hard hitting. That's why she also took a ride on Cruise's snowmobile. [ET]
  • Paris Hilton's boyfriend Benji Madden drove over a paparazzo's foot while pulling away from a West Hollywood nightclub with Hilton in the passenger seat. The socialite and musician are accused of a hit-and-run and police are investigating the incident. [Sun]
  • Actress Jennifer Anniston met singer John Mayer for a late lunch. WITH DESSERT. This changes everything. [OK!]

gossip roundup

Paris Hilton Banned For Acting Like Paris Hilton

  • Paris Hilton was banned from at least one Hyatt, in Moscow, for scribbling her name on the wall in black marker. But it was for a very important picture of Paris looking hot (at left, via the Sun), so it was totally worth the $9,000 fine. [Sun]
  • OJ Simpson would like to appear on Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice to create the least appealing television imaginable. [P6]
  • Tom Cruise's 13-year-old son Connor will appear in a movie in a bit, non-speaking part with Cruise's Scientology-friendly buddy Will Smith. [AP]
  • Heather Mills, former wife of former Beatle Paul McCartney, was allegedly a $20,000 per-night prostitute who acted out lesbian scenes for clients. [Daily Star via Gaunabee]
  • Amy Winehouse and her husband were offered $2 million to recount whatever they can actually remember of their drug-adled marriage. [Sun]
  • There's official confirmation of the Beyonce/Jay-Z wedding, in case you had been delaying your celebration. [OK!]
  • There's supposedly a sex tape of the fiancée of Opie from the radio show Opie & Anthony. The fiancée is said to be shown with Bam Margera of MTV, from before she met Opie. [P6]

gossip roundup

Even Natalie Portman Gets Peed On Sometimes


gossip roundup

Awful Animal Hoarder Gets Pet Show