• Pinch_Vintage re: Yoga Classes Are Full Of Sleazy Eric Schaeffers:
  "Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it always made me uncomfortable that yoga is actually intended to have a deeper purpose than making yuppies fuckable. It just feels like going to church to learn how to sing then using that gospel trained voice to melisma out about how you wanna suck the devil's dick. . . Connotations aren't just for prison walls!"
• Goodfootie re: Old People Have Sex:
  "This makes me feel less guilty for not visiting."

  Pope John Peeps II re: No, Megahyped Indie Hannah Takes The Stairs Is Not Good
  "You know Dennis Lim doesn't actually make any real, serious qualitative judgement about the film in those two whole pages. Doesn't it make you think that he seriously hated the shit out of it, but perhaps had to make the NYT seem like it was embracing the avant-garde?If only we could hack his iphone, I bet we'd see outgoing emails like 'OMG the jeans. OMG man-tits!'"

Re: Hi, Chum

• Guitarsnob:
  "True story: I fished with this guy. The back story is pretty detailed - summers in Hawaii, boat owning friends of my parents, and a Hawaiian resturant owner named Sam Choy - so I'll spare y'all the nonsense and get right to the point.
  I was out on this one-day fishing trip and somehow found myself in the angler's chair (I might have been tanning) when a fairly large fish took the bait. Overwhelmed as I was, I had no choice but to try and reel the fish in. The fish probably weighed more than I did and was pulling out more line than I was bringing in.
  Over my shoulder was this Frank Mundus guy yelling, "come on you little girl. What are you, a pussy?? The fish is kicking your ass!"
  I was 11 years old.
  The only fishing I've done since has been at the Abbey on Santa Monica Blvd."

  Re: Dina Lohan Thought 16 Was The Legal Drinking Age
  

• Far-Far:
  "dgiadggfh I WANT A TELL-ALL BOOK BY THE BODYGUARD SO BADLY!!! Questions to be answered: has Lindsay ever been a virgin? when not doing interviews or in character, does she tawk loike this? did she ever live in a dumpster? because she's so trashy!
  The book should be in the style of Delta of Venus. TELL TELL TELL!!!!"

  Re: Janice Dickinson's "Sex Is So Strong"?
  

• ConnPossible:
  "Eww, battered, chapped pussy."
  
  Re: Mara Altman Is Writing A Book About How She Has Never Orgasmed
  
• Lolcait:
  "He's Just Not That Far Into You"

Twofer re: Naomi Watts Parturates At Last:
Josh Speed: "It seems to me that Lohan is the fastest 'child-star-to-washup' we have had yet. The cycle is ever-tightening. It took Dana Plato almost 20 years (G-d rest her) to work herself up to dumpster living and 7-11 robbing."

Followed by Hortense: "Perhaps this is why Corey Haim is pointing his finger at all of us today. And also why Corey Feldman looks so contemplative."

Re: WSJ' Managing Editor Marcus Brauchli Tells His Staff Not To Panic
Sara Benincasa: "God, it must be so upsetting. Can you imagine toiling for years at a paper that caters to rich white people and is owned by rich white people, only to wake up one morning to discover that a different rich white person now signs your check? This world is FUCKED."

Grandmoffbastard spoke for us all when he asked, regarding 'Robert Olen Butler Says His Mass Email Was 'Intended Strictly For Those Who Personally Know Elizabeth And Me,' "Oh, who could have predicted that this email would so quickly have moved outside of the sphere of those for whom it was strictly intended? Dude had better take those spring break pics off of his Facebook, too."

And, you know, countless others. Basically, if you commented at all this week, pat yourself on the back. Especially you, Lolcait.

Re: Naomi Watts Parturates At Last

• Hortense:
  "Perhaps this is why Corey Haim is pointing his finger at all of us today. And also why Corey Feldman looks so contemplative."
• 
  Re: Posh Spice Loves Attention
  
• Oovy:
  "How about, 'Like a moth to a spotlight, she was drawn to the spotlight, because she is a moth. Or like one.'"
• 
  Re: Car-Chasing Lindsay Busted With Pants Full of Cocaine
  
• DonPardoCalrissian:
  "Lindsay Lohan is my generation's Paris Hilton."
• 
  Re: Beyonce's Florida Faceplant Is Looking So Crazy Right Now
  
• Ellagood:
  "finally gravity catches up with her. i mean she wears at least, what, 35 lbs. of water buffalo weave, right?"
• 
  Re: Claire Danes' Nipple Tops Mary Louise Parker's Rump
  
• Lolcait:
  "I challenge them to an act off. Claire 'does crumple-face cry', Mary Louise does 'drink from a big gulp'. And Mary Louise will win, because she's fantastic. And Claire will show up to Pygmalion rehearsal with teeth missing and a black eye and all the Roundabout queens will hiss 'Oohhh, she's so method...'"
• 
  Re: Julia Allison Displays Her Range
  
• Grandmoffbastard:
  "It's almost like she's really spelling!"

• The Award Just For Surviving College comes from Vote For America's Most Annoying Liberal Arts College and goes to Schadenfrau for these two comments:

  "Not that the place needs any more help here, but what the hell?

  I hadn't even been at Sarah Lawrence for a month before I was called into the dean's office to discuss my cameo appearance in some freak's vision. Yes, vision.

  The girl claimed to have envisioned her own murder after eating a leaf that had been previously "nibbled on" by a fairy. Not only did she take this story to the dean, but the dean was concerned enough to pull me out of class to discuss this.

  SLC sweep, people.

  Don't worry- everything was resolved when a man who claimed to be a vampire took it upon himself to sort out this situation with the help of a dreamcatcher and some fossilized amber stuck under his roommate's (the aforementioned imaginary murderer) bed.

  How did it end? The imaginary murderer was asked to leave school and both the vampire and fairy-leaf-eater graduated.

• The Teacher's Pet Award For Doing Exactly What I Dreamed Someone Would Do comes from here and goes to Yarnbaby for this comment:

  do she?

• The Award For Drawing Important Connections comes from How To Buy And Sell Fake Handbags and goes to OverpaidandUnderworked for this comment:

  During my last year at Smith, a group of girls from the Republican Club formed an organization called 'Project Handbags', which attempted to aid the federal government in busting bag counterfeiters, including the ladies who hosted these kinds of parties. That should get us a few extra votes in the Most Annoying Liberal Arts College poll, no?

• The Ken Layne Memorial Award For Pointing Out The Necessary Obvious comes from White House: Terrorists Will Destroy Us Unless We Keep Killing People and goes to YelloJKT for this comment

  Homeland Security has predicted ten of the last zero attacks.

• The Karen Carpenter Award For Taking A Grey Day And Making It Better comes from My Cock For Barack and goes to ClarenceRosario for this comment:

  Oh, the onanity.

• The Award For Caring About Minutia That Should Be Cared About goes to I Don't Get It for participating in Did Paris Hilton Roofie And Three-Way Tyler Atkins? with this comment:

  You think they would have cut his hair while he was passed out.

• The Award For Just Being A Good Person goes to Successories in the 'Weekly World News' folding post for this comment

  this is, like, the only publication i have ever subscribed to at retail rates with my own money.

  i'm madder than a rack of ribs on a kibbutz.

• KarenUhOh and LolCait. We love collaborative efforts!

Re: The $29 Cheeseburger Comes To The Bowery

• TedSez:
  "Twenty-twenty-twenty-nine dollars to blow
  I'm gonna be so sated
  Gimme 16 truffle burgers to go
  I'm gonna be so sated
  Just get that duck's mouth open
  And fill it full of grain
  Hurry hurry hurry
  'Fore PETA goes insane
  I can't control my eating
  My stomach's full again
  Oh no, I'm gonna throw

  Blah-blah-barf-barf
  Blah-blah-blah-barf-barf
  I guess I got too sated....

  (With apologies to "Weird" Al)"

  [Emily: Dear Ted, please record this. Also, Weird Al should apologize to you.)
  
  Re:In Brief:
  

• Slinkimalinki: :
  "what if all of you are really nick denton? even krucoff..."

  Re:When It Comes To Euphemisms For Female Genitalia, Fox News Censors Are Total Pussies:
  

• Slinkimalinki:
  "@NoDowdAboutIt: well, perhaps the predominantly male editor, correspondant and viewer need to learn that a somewhat higher pitched voice ahould be taken just as seriously as a somewhat lower pitched voice: that being young and female doesn't make you non-serious. because if, as you say you have, you've changed the way you speak, buying into the theory that masculine=serious, doesn't that make you the tool of the partriarchy that you claim emily is?
  hehe, i said tool, hehe "

  Re:Our Expert Analyzes Sex Tips:
  

• Twizzlers For President:
  "Codepink! Ha! Making up faux Cosomo sex tricks will be my new party game.
  "Craft a thong teddy of out tampons. He won't be able to resist the cottony softness! And you can use it to soak up the wet spot later."
  But seriously folks. Cosmo is one ball-gag away from being Bondage Monthly."

  Re: Is The Crazy Single Cat Lady Thing A Myth?:
  

• The Mayoress: "does having a link to lolcats in my faves folder count?
  invisible husband!!!"

Re: All Ballet Dancers Do Cocaine

• TheBigDoggy:
  "Ah, so Pete Doherty is simply in training for his surprise turn in The Nutcracker?"
  Choire: "I thought it was a lovely picture, Pete Doherty, dancing so formally, and also a nice association: when this person thinks of coke, he thinks of Pete."
  

Re: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Sex Pics

• HeatherFink:
  "Yay! This is the sort of stuff I like to look at."
  Choire: "Here's to enthusiasm!"

  Re: Is Jenna Bush The New James Frey?
  

• Lolcait:
  "Ana's Story is an anagram for Satan Roys which, owing to Jenna's poor French, was an attempt to say Satan Roi, "King Satan." Which means....yup, you guessed it: I'm drunk."
  Emily: "I'm a sucker for unexpected twists. Also, drunks. Man I miss Balk."

  Re: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Sex Pics
  

• The Brazilian:
  "A lot of over-indicating going on here, so typical of bad actors."
  Emily: "This is sort of my platonic ideal of a comment. Instead of saying, 'Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo clearly staged this Skinemax-style sesh to rev up their sort of flagging what do they do again careers,' The Brazilian says all that so pithily, but so obliquely. This is less a "hahaha" than a satisfied chuckle."

  Re: Sex and the Cineplex
  

• Scout
  "Isn't that how Trey met Charlotte?"
  Emily: "Come on, you thought it too!"

Re: Gawker's Best Posts of 2007

• My Cock:
  "It's not the length of the list, it's the craft of the shaft."

Re: Daily Gold Star

• My Vagina
  "Jury has reconvened. Still not sure about the soul, however."

  Re: Goodbye Lockhart Steele
  

• My Left Tit:
  "Lock's already offered both of us a position at Racked, but Righty over here thinks she's too good for it. Uppity bitch."

Re: Dina McGreevey Wants A Faaaaabulous Jury Trial

• ColonelMustard:
  "I can't wait for both of them to come storming into court at the same time, dressed like Alexis Carrington Colby."

Re: Al Pacino Is More Italian Than You Are

• Strategicallyplaced:
  "Italians are badass...I mean, you guys saw Scarface right? Whoo-ah!"

• Re: Meet Dr. M.F.
  

• LolCait:
  "She is everything I wish Marisha Pessl was."

• Re: Coked Up Male Model Terrorizes Hamptons
  

• Catastro-Nom:
  "At least he stayed the fuck in his room."

• 
  Re: "Slut It Up" With Julia Allison
  

• Sara Benincasa:
  "I'm so confused by your relationship with Julia Allison, Gawker. Remember when Jessie Spanow used to talk shit on A.C. Slater but actually she was totally sopping for his deltoids and winning smile? And then eventually she admitted the love that had truly been there all along? Gawker, you need to put down the pills and just take Julia to prom already."
• 
  

Re: There Is Justice In The World

• Itsjustcatnip:
  "I don't know whether to be happy that there is a small bit of justice in the world or angry because now I will expect justice all the time."

Re: Mob War Heats Up

• Astro-nom:
  "They're killing all the guys who were extras in the finale and gave away the ending."
• 
  Re: Does Marc Jacobs Have A New Gayface?
  
• BritneysBaldHoohoo:
  "Did he ask for the 'Rupert Everett'?"
• 
  Re: Sopranos Finale Ruined For Us By Evil Publicist:
  
• Nard38:
  "I saw the e-mail. The subject line is "My client plays 'Leo Philtardo' (Phil Leotardo's tard twin cousin) who is actually the baby's father!!!"
• 
  Re: The Webby Awards Party At The Box
  
• DonPardoCalrissian:
  "I didn't know Neal Pollack and Robyn Byrd were dating. I did know the Box looks like a rundown Uzbek madrassa but I'm glad there's now proof on the infobahn."

• Re: The Man Who Taught Elizabeth Spiers To Tolerate The Gays
  Elizabeth Spiers: "See how Nick's left hand mysteriously disappears behind my back in that photo? He's grabbing my ass."

• Double winner re: Let's Make A Movie!

  Mark Duffy: "This Summer's Best Horror Movie. Period."
  ellagood: "I think 28 Days Late is much scarier. "

• Re: We Couldn't Free Peter Braunstein
  Pope John Peeps II: "Your honour, I'd like to direct your attention to defense exhibit 531 "Peter Braunstein Could Have Saved Chocolate City" by noted leegle beegle THE BALK. You see, when the habeus corpus and the ipso facto conjoin, they occasionally make the quod ipsum dolorum. When this happens, as THE BALK points out, one must delerium tremens the ravioli bolognese and surmount the problems posed by tinki winki. In conclusion, your majesty, Braunstein is cray bitchcakes and thus should be freed on the grounds of THE PSYCHO PLEA."

  Previously: The Day Tina First Saw The Statue Of Liberty

• Re: Times Square Still Extremely Unsafe For Children
  titanica : "She got served."

• Re: Times Memorabilia Auction Goes Nuts
  Maxwell2.0:
  "I wonder what Michiko's prosthetic limn sold for?"
• Re: Hard Up Freelancer Virally Markets Himself
  cdmunch: "Years ago this dude used to work at Vanity Fair and some reporter, I think from New York or maybe Glamour magazine, was writing a story on editors' sexual conquests or some such and they asked him for the number he bedded. Another editor gave a higher number so when the factchecker called, Peter upped his number. The other editor did the same. This went back and forth for a while until they were both in the double digits."
• A double winner re: Our Top Ten Sopranos Series Finale Predictions
  mladen: "Before I offer my prediction, just wanted to say that yesterday's Big Story was somehow overlooked here. Cindy offered her Mother's Day column - you know, the one Dorothy Parker (or was it Edna St V Millay?) made fun of when it first ran - and said that this year it was appearing by special request of....Parker Posey.
  There are some events which, by their very enormity, defy comprehension or comment.
  The Johnstown Flood. The Hindenburg. The day Tina first saw the Statue of Liberty. The weekend "Ernest Goes To Jail" opened at #1 at the box office.
  And now this.
  But back to the prediction. Tony throws a turkey out the window of a high-rise to see if it can fly. Glen Turkey, a machinist from Toms River, that is."

  And!

  plausible_banditti: "Wasn't the last scene filmed in some ice cream parlor in Bloomfield? Maybe Tony goes legit, buys the shop, and spends the rest of his twenty-seven years on the planet developing flavors to honor his whacked comerades. Chrissy's Cherry Cocaine Bliss?"

Re: Your Editorial Input Requested

• HoHoKennedy:
  "I vote Lies cause I'm sick of that photo."

• Hot Chocolate(RIP!):
  "Since my head is already on the chopping block...Gold Star Motel seems to be little more than a giant mutual masturbation session. A cuddle party with handjobs, if you will. We are all smart enough to recognize a witty comment when we see one; I don't think we need someone to point it out and say, "That's funny! Laugh, fool!" And since it seems like the same people always "win," maybe you could just give them a star next to their name or something, a special picture in their thumbnail thing, that makes it clear how superior they are to everyone else without shoving it down our throats once a week.
  In short, the whole concept reeks of high school. And yes, I was a bitter nerd in high school, and I hated every second of it, and I don't want to see it recreated by adults on a website that I love (and will continue to love even if I get executed for having the opinion that nursing mothers should throw a blanket over their exposed breasts).
  Anway, perhaps being incredibly witty is reward enough. That's all I'm saying."
• Steverino:
  "Make Balk and Choire go on CNN."
• ambitious heckler:
  "Please keep potty girl but tell her to make the sex hotter? I don't see the point of bringing a guy to a dive bar just to bang him in the bathroom. The whole point is you've just met someone AT THE BAR and you just have to do them then and there. Duh! Other than that, I never really liked "And now he's dead" — people shouldn't die — and can you please tell the guy at Wonkette it's annoying every time he spells out "teevee" — and Josh shouldn't post his suburban-Jewish-skaterboy-rap videos about yogurt, it takes the brand down a little. The last "underminer" was phoning it in a bit, the monologue starts to sound too contrived to sound like it was actually spoken, and GMIJ was awesome, I miss it too. And can you bring back Elizabeth? Thanks!!!"
• mindful_indulgence:
  "Dammit. I sorta feel like I voted for Nader all over again."
• 10am-automatic :
  "keep altarcations but only include couples with pictures. After all, how can you truly judge someone if you don't know what they look like?"

Re: Divine Intervention

• Looker:
  "Hail Mary?"

• And I Am Telling You:
  "Turning the Other Cheek
  In The Name of The Rose"
• bonera:
  "Ecclesi-ass-tease"
• George Babbitt:
  "Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me. But Mostly Thy Rod."
• broad:
  "Semen on the Mount"

Re: Today In Capitalizing On Tragedy (Regarding a book called Oy Pioneer!)

• Seer uber Jenny : "Sequel potential! Meh ?ntonia"

Re: And Now He's Dead: David Halberstam

• meh: "I carry The Powers That Be in my trunk. With the Bible. Just in case."

• Re: Alec Baldwin's Breakdown
  

• KarenUhOh: "Maybe Alec can just phone it in."

• Re: Joey Lawrence Knows His Place
  

• ellagood: "I'll take a DP from the My Two Dads anyday."
• 
  AND!
  
• tammyfey:: "Plan B chaser, of course, to prevent Full House."
• 
  AND THEN!
  
• ellagood: "that's right. Who's The Boss of my womb? Me."

Re: Is Carrie Gross The Absolute Worst Of The Scary Sadshaw Lady Bloggers?

Re: Leslie Bennetts' "Feminist" Mistake

• Boobs Radley:
  "Why, Esther. Williamstown has the most adorable little main street, with a French bakery and an organic coffee shop and a Thai place with the most amazing panang curry THAT YOU'LL NEVER TASTE. Suck on it, you GPA inflating tramp."

Re: J. Rhys Meyers, Clearly Gay

• Aatom:
  "He's gay because I saw The Secret and I've been focusing real hard on one of my goals."
• 
  Re: The Michael Hastings Memoir: Book Proposals Kill
  
• JupiterPluvius:
  "And the perfect first line for this book is: What can you say about a twenty-eight-year-old girl who died IN BAGHDAD?"
• 
  Re: Bungalow 8's Waning Magic:
  
• cajun boy in the city:
  "it's at times like these that amy sacco should do what i do during troubled times which is to look deeply into the soul and ask, "what would ian bernardo do?"
• 
  Re: Jared Kushner And Ivanka Trump: Just Friends:
  
• In Exile:
  "Ugh, trying to find a cutesy amalgam of their names is like speaking shitty fake Yiddish: "Ach, that one, is he trumping in her kushner yet?"
• 
  Re: 02138 Defines Marital Bliss
  
• Double Banger:
  "Nothing warms my heart like lawyers in love. I hear that Kate & Marc's pre-nup was drafted on a Lamplighter Ivory 25% cotton parchment paper and signed with a Montblanc Meisterst ck 149 filled with Waterman Florida Blue."
• 
  Re: 'Lenny Kravitz' Invites You To Brooklyn Luxury
  
• backslider:
  "I am so excited for the looming real estate crash, when I buy one of these shitty apartments for $150 grand. Then I'll spend the rest of my days watching Mexicans play soccer in the dust below."